Why PMS gets in the way of your relationship

Premenstrual changes don’t just happen inside your body. They have an effect on how you think, how you communicate, and how you connect with the people closest to you.

For some, that might look like irritability or tearfulness in the lead up to your period. For others (particularly those living with PMDD), it can feel like a total loss of self. Our hormones don’t just affect us - they affect the people we love too, which feels like an unfair extra burden to carry when you’re already PMS-ing.

The emotional cost of the luteal phase

The idea that PMS or PMDD can impact relationships isn’t new. But research is helping us understand just how disruptive those impacts can be.

A 2025 study from Durham University found that people with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) reported serious emotional strain in their relationships - with frequent conflict, emotional withdrawal, and even fear of abandonment during the luteal phase. Many participants described avoiding social contact and experiencing persistent relational instability.

It’s not just PMDD that can have an effect on your relationships. A study exploring the impact of PMS on couples found that participants with PMS reported emotional dysregulation, lowered libido, and heightened frustration in their relationships. What’s even more interesting is that the participants' partners described feeling emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed, and confused, particularly when they lacked context for what was happening. (Fehlner, 2018)

Even research from decades ago has noted that many people with PMS experienced significant strain in their romantic and family relationships, with frequent episodes of conflict, emotional withdrawal, or guilt. (Winter, 1991)

Considering that common PMS symptoms include irritability, mood swings, increased anxiety and more, it’s unsurprising that relationships can suffer as a result.

A neurological shift, not a personality flaw

We want to remind you that what’s happening in your luteal phase is a neurological shift and not a personality flaw. What’s happening here isn’t about being “too sensitive” or dramatic. These are real neurological changes driven by hormonal fluctuations.

During the luteal phase, the brain becomes more reactive to changes in estrogen and progesterone, affecting serotonin and GABA systems - our core regulators of mood and emotional stability (you can read more about this in our blog post here!)

This science is proof for the effect PMS has on your relationships. Research concluded that premenstrual disorders (including PMS and PMDD) are linked to significant impairment in social and relational functioning, primarily due to the way hormone changes affect emotion processing. (Westermark, 2024)

But relationship strain becomes more difficult when a partner doesn’t show up in the way that’s needed during the PMS stage. A 2013 study revealed that being dismissed or misunderstood by partners heightened premenstrual distress - no surprises there. However, this research also found that partners having knowledge about PMS led to better understanding about the cyclical changes that were occurring.

Where do we go from here?

It would appear that knowledge is power - we can harness better relationships with our partners, friends and family, if they become more aware of what is happening to us during the luteal phase. Awareness itself is a powerful intervention.

When people understand what’s happening, biologically and emotionally, they’re more likely to stay connected during moments of challenge.

Here's what we suggest:

1. Map your pattern

Use a tool like Samphire to track not just mood, but also connection, tension, and social energy. Identifying emotional patterns allows for proactive planning instead of reactive coping. We also have a ‘partner mode’ coming soon, helping you navigate those more challenging parts of your cycle.

2. Build a “luteal plan”

Outside the storm window, discuss what you need when symptoms spike. More space? More reassurance? A code word to signal overwhelm? Designing that plan in advance avoids misfires later.

3. Name the state

“I’m in the bad part of my cycle. Things feel louder, but I still care. I just need space to regulate.” Naming the state without blame helps avoid escalation.

4. Use Nettle™ for emotional regulation

Nettle™ offers at-home, hormone-free neuromodulation to help reduce emotional dysregulation, brain fog and other PMS symptoms. Whether you're feeling raw, irritable, or disconnected, it can help you return to an emotional baseline faster - helping to foster a better relationship with yourself and others.

The impact of PMS and PMDD on relationships is real but with the right awareness and tools, your relationships can become more resilient.